It’s been many months, years.
But just a few weeks ago we parted ways.
This isn’t to anyone specific… some words may absolutely be, to be honest.
words to everyone and everything I have let go of, all in one. These past months the Lord has really been molding me and walking with me as I face some of my scariest fears and trials. I am learning how to guard my heart, trust Him, and how to again, like I’ve written before, walk on healing. It’s amazing how much He had taught me and how hand in hand he has walked with me. This is just a little insight on how I feel in this moment after letting go of a few different things.
It’s been way too long and I am relieved to say that I am finally ready for real freedom, the freedom I so eloquently described in other words. I have experienced a taste here and there but I seemed to always end up back under your spell… in the same vicious circle I always wanted out of. There is a lot that I could complain about and a lot of anger I could hold onto, but instead I’m choosing to simple say goodbye.
I am thankful… maybe not as thankful as I will be years from now, but I have always been one to try to learn from my circumstances…. & oh boy has this taught me so much. I want you to know that I loved you, like I’ve never loved anyone before… & maybe that is the problem there, because I loved you too much, I looked for you and your approval too much and that is what led me to lose myself.
Thankful for the lessons, the memories, the ability to experience such a love that has shaped me into who I will be and the pulpit that I will have. I have learned that it is God who decides your worth, from the moment He gave his life for me… I found my worth. My worth doesn’t come from you, and whether you choose to be my friend or not. I do not need approval from you because God has made me whole and complete.
Letting go has opened my eyes to all that I was allowing… all that I was putting up with. I found a new strength, the ability to say goodbye.
Again, thank you for the experience, but I love life and myself too much to hang around. I now know that I do not have to be somewhere that is inconsistent and so insecure. I know that I deserve 100% honesty- someone who will have my best interest at heart no matter the atmosphere. A friend who knows me and allows themselves to be known, instead of living a life of secrets.
Saying goodbye to years of feeling less to you. Of finding my identity in what happened and allowing myself to be victim to fear. I no longer blame God for what you chose to do. I know God is good, what you decided impacted my life but in no way does it control it… any longer. The broken little helpless girl is now a woman… of faith, love, and hope for the future.
Goodbye to the many years I spent controlled by you. I have learned that my past does not dictate my future I’m a negative way, instead it allows me to connect and to be better. Goodbye to the selfish little girl who just wants to be loved, my identity is in what Christ has done for me- not in pleasing humanity. I am victorious in Him and not a victim to my circumstances.
Praying that you find yourself, that you find who you are and you pursue the things that make you come alive, in Him. I will heal from this and eventually you will not mean more than a memory- hopefully you can do the same. Forgiveness is powerful, it’s freeing. I am on that road and I am finally so happy.
You have no power over me. I am whole. I am free. I have been redeemed. He patiently waited for me to understand that He knows me… And despite knowing me, still chooses me. So I am writing to let you know you no longer have power over my thoughts and over my decisions. You can knock but you will no longer be let in.
The door has been shut.
And this is my goodbye.
This was for people, sins, habits that no longer have a hold on me. Know that He created you for greater things and you have the power to CHOOSE to walk away from anything that does not bless your life, anything that makes you feel less than the amazing human you are- relationships, friendships, jobs, character traits. Know that you deserve the best this life has to offer and you are worth a great life. Dream big and never change to gain someone’s approval. Also know that this is hard. In no way is it easy to suddenly walk away from something you are used to and much harder when you love… But the reward is greater than the pain you will feel. I hope you find strength today to walk away and to never look back. God is truly good and He has a good good plan.
Dancing in His Love