Total honest moment.
It’s 12:54 AM & I suddenly have the desire to write…. When I have been avoiding it for 2 weeks.
TMI… maybe it’s my monthly friend that has me in a mood and emotions all over the place and confused thoughts and rambling and the desire to do nothing at all…. (sorry to the fellas, but come on ladies!?)
So I’ve been avoiding blogging because I suddenly felt like I wasn’t good enough… like the words that came to my heart were pointless and that because I don’t have it together, I should just keep to myself
and that’s so unfair to myself, to God, and to this whole process of life.
How unfair to think that my experiences don’t mean much… that my heart doesn’t matter, that fighting through the rubble won’t bless anyone else? A little selfish too.
So now I am here, 1:00 AM in the morning, crying and processing my thoughts.
How many times have we walked away from big dreams and desires because we didn’t feel up for it? How many ideas have we pushed aside because our mess is too real?
Look ya’ll… I’m such a mess. I have a big heart that loves and wants to be loved. I desire nothing more than to build people up, to be accepted, and to love deeply. I cry at least once a day, for dead animals on the street, because someone cancelled on me, because God whispers, because I realize I am not who I was but I also have a long way to go…. Literally CRY LOL
I laugh at the most ridiculous things…. And it makes me so happy.
I hate putting gas in my car and at least once a week, I end up on 0 miles on a freeway…. In Houston traffic!!!! LOL not joking. I spend way too much money on food and not enough saving.
So far I sound just like you right? So why do I feel so unworthy to share my experiences?
Lets get more honest here.
I don’t have it all together… I still struggle with forgiving. I am angry at my step dad who is not even my step dad anymore and no one knows this. I struggle with sin. I talk too much and don’t listen enough. I barely sleep. I don’t take care of my health.
But Leslie…. Cut yourself some slack. You’re 22 and you’re doing the best you can.
And it is the whole vision of Dancing In Your Love: to sort through my mess, discover His secrets, and to encourage others as I learn.
Can I tell you the same today??
Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to your heart. Take care of yourself. Life isn’t always sunshine and that is okay. It will get better and before you know it, those things you’re working at will work themselves out.
Take a deep breath and conquer your day.
Don’t give up on your crazy, wild dreams just because you see your mess. That’s the process of it all. You were made to do great things and a little fire is necessary to shape and to mold you so you can be the greatest YOU.
For once, be on your team. Be your own #1 fan.
We can do this together. It’s Friday & we made it to the WEEKEND!!
Here’s to difficult days, that sometimes we bring on ourselves.
Thankful for a God who is patient through it all… the one who makes us worthy.
Dancing in His love,
xx Leslie Tatiana