I could lie and tell you that I’ve been busy, that I’ve been great, and that I haven’t had time to write, but then that wouldn’t be truth.
Truth is I have days where I don’t want to write. Because it overwhelms me, having to make sure content is good enough to relate to and interesting enough to even read, but I have to remind myself that this is not the purpose behind my writing. Or sometimes I simply don’t want to share what I’m going through because I haven’t quite found the sunshine in it. It’s good to take a break and refocus.
I write because it allows me to get my thoughts together and to reflect on whatever situation I am currently in whether it’s one I am enjoying or one I am struggling through. And I share because I know someone somewhere can relate and feel my support.
I’ve been thinking a lot about 2016.
Obviously it’s coming to an end and it’s natural for us to think “oh crap” or even “ugh finally”.
We began the year with so many goals, dreams, with a high hope. I remember my word for this year was FREEDOM.
I can’t tell you how true that has been. Both in a positive and negative way.
I have found a freedom to simply be… myself. I grew so tired of trying to please loved ones and of always trying to do what was expected of me. Here are a few things I found freedom in.
- I dropped out of school a year ago. I only have 7 classes left to finish my psychology degree but I am in no rush. I HATE school, and I rarely use the word. I just cannot understand the system, learning “
all” there is to know about a subject only to work for someone else and not ever work to your full potential or for your actual dreams. And do not even get me started on those ridiculous school loans that I’ll be paying even after my death!!!! I will eventually finish because I only have a little ways to go, but it’s not in my plans any time soon. I lovelovelove psychology, I just don’t like the system I am forced to adapt to.
- I finally quit my job of three years, went into apartment leasing, hated it so much I cried at the end of each day, quit that, and went into another salon, which I love so much. I got so much crap about not staying at a job and switching so much and yes it affected me financially, but I am at such peace and so happy, i ain’t even mad. I only work a few hours a week so it gives me time to myself and to pursue my dreams. There is nothing more I’d like to say here 😉
- I started choosing my friends carefully, by my own terms and not anyone else’s. I also stopped listening to advice on relationships from people who aren’t dating and started making decisions on what was best for me. I have the sweetest friendships right now, even though it’s not people I talk to every single day. They have their lives, dreams, responsibilities and that’s okay.
- I started taking more risks, which in a sense may seem “bad” but I think it has helped me gain new perspectives and it has grown me as a woman, as a person. And I don’t regret it. I don’t regret going to my first bar, going on random dates, bonfires at 2AM, random road trips alone, and so on.
- I discovered so many unhealthy cycles I constantly go through caused by things in my childhood and though it isn’t something I am actively seeking to heal in this moment, I found so much freedom in understanding that my cycles had a trigger, a reason behind them and I am not just a broken wandering soul.
As I look back on my year, I am thankful for how much I have developed mentally & emotionally.
I am so excited it’s December! This is by far my favorite month of the year (besides May). Everything is bright and merry and full of love. Texas has been ridiculously cold and though I am a lover of my hot hot summers, I have been actually enjoying the weather. Full of cuddles, blankets, hoodies, heaters, long lazy days of Gilmore Girls with my sister, and so much more ❤️
My advice these next few weeks would be for you to reflect on 2016. Think about the lessons you learned and what you LOVED about this year, but don’t ignore the battles and those situations you hated. There are habits you can carry into this year because they support your dreams, and unfortunately others that will be the death of you. You are in charge of your success, of achieving your dreams. How you end this year WILL determine how 2017 begins.
You don’t have to settle for anything other than amazing!
Let’s chase our dreams together. I, too, am preparing for this new year.
Here’s to ending 2016 with a bang!
XX Leslie Tatiana