Good Shoes take you good places

If you haven’t noticed by all my OOTD’s on insta (@leslietatianap) I am a LOVER of shoes. A pair of cute shoes can turn my entire LIFE around. I am more of a heel type of girl but I will not fight any type of cute shoe! Especially in the summer and on #StreetStyle type days. This is officially my first ever fashion only post but that’s a little impossible for me so I’m combining my love for fashion and a little encouragement today.

Between my sweet mom and I, we have over 60 pairs of shoes and some of them, are over 10 years old because my mom is just that hip and amazing and takes care of things, unlike me. I am so excited to share with you my favorite Summer shoes. It was a really tough decision but I chose all the bright colors and comfy ones I love. 
Processed with VSCO with t1 presetThe Yellow Sandals are a new addition from JustFab and the perfect color for all things sun. I paired these with a white dress on Easter but I can’t wait to mix with other prints and colors this Summer.  The chunky block heel makes it an easy choice because they are comfy enough to walk in and the open toe is perfect for hot days. $40 if you are a member. Sign Up Here!  Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

These Teal Wedges are so dang CUTE!!! I tried looking for them to link them and I can’t find them anymore. But I love this bright, yet soft teal color. Don’t be afraid to try on a pair of shoes that look different because you might actually like them on. These are from Qupid. Take a look at their wedges. They are super cute and Summer ready!

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When has Steve Madden ever failed you!?!? The correct answer is never! This is a pair we’ve had for at least 8 years now and they come in handy when I least expect! The heel is short enough to wear for long hours and check out that bow! This deep Teal is perfect to combine with other blues and greens.

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Again, Steve Madden! These are the perfect pop of color to add to any outfit! Especially anything white. These again are over 7 years old but guess what!? I was able to find them on Poshmark & someone is selling them for $30. Size 7 & Size 6.5

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You can never go wrong with a simple pair of brown wedges! I love these though because the straps are so unique and braided. Also, I would never have bought these because they have “too” much going but when I put them on, I fell for them lol These are super comfy, I can wear these all day! I bought them at Payless but found them for $10 on Poshmark! Size 8

Those are my favorite types of heels for the summer! Bright, comfy, and different! Be a little bold and choose the shoes you would never wear, you might actually love them. ❤

“How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns!” -Isaiah 52:7

I LOVE this bible verse. It literally is telling you that the steps, the feet of those who bring good news are beautiful. This verse challenges me to be someone who not only carries good news daily, but someone who is constantly sharing peace and the truth of salvation- that Jesus died for our sins to save us and give us a new tomorrow. I choose to be a woman who is made up of this good news about Jesus, not just a 20 something year old with a fashion sense but nothing more to offer. Not only should you have cute shoes, but you should also walk in those shoes with such a purpose and such an authority that your entire atmosphere around you changes. Do you know the power you carry within you?! Be someone who carries good news, who changes the atmosphere in your group of friends, who walks in faith and not only in cute shoes, but in peace and salvation! Don’t you feel more powerful, more confident, more prepared when you have a cute set of shoes on your feet!? Well imagine that + carrying good news so that others can find the same joy!

Good shoes take you good places!

Heels

Forever Dancing in His Love.

with cute heels + good news,

Leslie Tatiana

The struggle of “Not worthy”

Total honest moment.

It’s 12:54 AM & I suddenly have the desire to write…. When I have been avoiding it for 2 weeks.

TMI…   maybe it’s my monthly friend that has me in a mood and emotions all over the place and confused thoughts and rambling and the desire to do nothing at all…. (sorry to the fellas, but come on ladies!?)

So I’ve been avoiding blogging because I suddenly felt like I wasn’t good enough… like the words that came to my heart were pointless and that because I don’t have it together, I should just keep to myself

and that’s so unfair to myself, to God, and to this whole process of life.

How unfair to think that my experiences don’t mean much… that my heart doesn’t matter, that fighting through the rubble won’t bless anyone else? A little selfish too.

So now I am here, 1:00 AM in the morning, crying and processing my thoughts.

How many times have we walked away from big dreams and desires because we didn’t feel up for it? How many ideas have we pushed aside because our mess is too real?

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Look ya’ll… I’m such a mess. I have a big heart that loves and wants to be loved. I desire nothing more than to build people up, to be accepted, and to love deeply. I cry at least once a day, for dead animals on the street, because someone cancelled on me, because God whispers, because I realize I am not who I was but I also have a long way to go…. Literally CRY LOL

I laugh at the most ridiculous things…. And it makes me so happy.

I hate putting gas in my car and at least once a week, I end up on 0 miles on a freeway…. In Houston traffic!!!! LOL not joking. I spend way too much money on food and not enough saving.

So far I sound just like you right? So why do I feel so unworthy to share my experiences?

Lets get more honest here.

I don’t have it all together… I still struggle with forgiving. I am angry at my step dad who is not even my step dad anymore and no one knows this. I struggle with sin. I talk too much and don’t listen enough. I barely sleep. I don’t take care of my health.

Butpicsart-3 Leslie…. Cut yourself some slack. You’re 22 and you’re doing the best you can.
And it is the whole vision of Dancing In Your Love: to sort through my mess, discover His secrets, and to encourage others as I learn.

Can I tell you the same today??

Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to your heart. Take care of yourself. Life isn’t always sunshine and that is okay. It will get better and before you know it, those things you’re working at will work themselves out.

Take a deep breath and conquer your day. 

Don’t give up on your crazy, wild dreams just because you see your mess. That’s the process of it all. You were made to do great things and a little fire is necessary to shape and to mold you so you can be the greatest YOU.

For once, be on your team. Be your own #1 fan.

We can do this together. It’s Friday & we made it to the WEEKEND!!

Here’s to difficult days, that sometimes we bring on ourselves.

Thankful for a God who is patient through it all… the one who makes us worthy.

Dancing in His love,

xx Leslie Tatiana

August 16, 2008

Allowing myself to share and to re-experience this trauma is terrifying. But 8 years later, I am praying it blesses your life and it allows you to feel a little stronger and stand a little taller.

I grew up with my little brother, who is 2 and a half years younger, and my uncle who was 4 years older than me. We used to play hide and go seek(in the dark because that’s the only way to play right?), cops and robbers and most of the time we would end up fighting because that’s what big brothers do best right? He would make me so mad for all the pranks and fights we would get into and all the different rules he would change last-minute, but when he was in trouble with grandma or when he had nowhere to go, my mom took him in and we learned to grow up with him.

My mom was in the living room of our two bedroom apartment in Katy, Tx. She was currently enrolled in online classes at Phoenix University.

I don’t remember what my 11 year old brother was doing, because I only know my experience, and he has never spoken of his.

I was praying in my mom’s room. Writing and listening to a third day song- which I have blocked out because the pain from this night was too much so I cannot remember the exact song anymore.

Mom’s phone rang.

And then there was crying and crying and questions. and crying.

I turned off the music and waited.

She came into the room- “Edwin was shot… my little brother is gonna die.”

I didn’t know what else to do because I was 14… not an adult who had experience with someone dying and being shot, just a 14 year old who was starting high school in a week. So I did what 14 year old’s do best and I called my best friend Lisa. And I told her what I knew, and in a few minutes, my brother and I were being dropped off at her house to stay with her family while mom came to Boxelder rd. to help.

I don’t remember much else from this night. Except that my brother clinged to me and we prayed together before going to sleep that my uncle would survive. And that we would get to see him the next morning. I had full faith that I was going to wake up the next day okay.

only to be woken up with the worst news my family has ever received till this day.

I arose from Lisa’s bed, got my brother ready, and waited for mom to come get us. My heart felt like it was no longer beating- and this feeling continued for months after. My breathing slowed and knots formed in my throat, and stayed.

I remember crying in the car, and hearing mom and a family friend talk about me as if I wasn’t in the back. I had entered a completely separate world and I was now watching myself experience this trauma. Too much for me to bear, I took the backseat in my life and watched everything around me crumble. My brother never said a word, never blinked, never reacted, and never asked anything. He just sat still and allowed the chaos around him to swirl.

walking into my now home- then grandma’s house,  the eerie dark atmosphere that surrounded my home was an indescribable one… I could not catch a breath because the darkness and sadness and death was so tangible in the air… it was better to not breathe.

There was bullet casings in the grass that the cops missed and blood stained cement that Marvin was attempting to clean up. That spot by the front door stayed dark for months after until it was finally washed away and covered by the seasons.

And all i heard was crying, and screaming, and the questions in my head grew louder and the anger began to stir. I didn’t understand because I had prayed & I was nice to my brother & I was a good daughter by listening to mom when she dropped me off in the middle of the night in another home instead of letting me be by her side. I had asked God to save him and to protect him and I woke up the next morning, with a God who didn’t hear me.

My grandma was empty inside and all she did was scream and ask for her son, who was dead. who had died in our front door. Whose life was taken from us in the comfort of our own home.

The next days weren’t any better. And his room was cold and empty, lacking in life and in humor. His voice, his loud obnoxious raps, and chopped and screwed music, the room was silent, gone.

And then came the people. And the people sucked. Because they whispered and they asked questions and they gave opinions and theories, without being asked.

And some sat quietly in the living room, and their silence reminded me that this was the worst thing that had happened to my family, in the comfort of our home. I wanted everyone gone and I wanted answers.

So I sat by the front door.

And I waited.

Because I refused to believe that he was gone. Any minute now, he would walk in through the door and punch me and call me a “peon” and sit to eat Doritos…. or cocoa pebbles, which till this day, my grandma still buys.

Then came the wake and though I thought I had experienced the worst, this was worse than worst.

His body slowly changed colors and his fingers lost life and they hardened. And I could no longer stand at the front to hold his hand because it was no longer him, the life had left and all that we were left with was a strange body.

I experienced my first panic attack this day.

As I grabbed his hand and it was harder than the day before.

So I hate funerals. 8 years later and I refuse to look at lifeless bodies. Because of him. Loving someone, robbing fake banks together, giving my little brother wegies, putting ointment on his wounds from fights with grandma, and then suddenly seeing them lay lifeless. And as you call their name, they still don’t get up?

I would stand for long periods and I would hold his hand and pray. And I would demand that he get up and walk, but it never happened. And soon his body became so cold that I was no longer allowed to go up to the casket because I could not mentally handle it. Different family members would hold me down in the bench. It didn’t make sense to me.

He never walked through door. And he never got up.

I still consider this the event that changed my family forever. My grandma still cries. My brother barely speaks, and I am never home. We have never experienced a death so close to home- figuratively and literally. So it’s still rubble we’re figuring out. I can’t see guns or hear balloons pop without my heart beating faster. There’s not a night in which I don’t look around me a million times before walking into my house. Black SUV’s scare me, I run if they drive by. My German Shepherd does not do well with fireworks because he was also here with the gunshots and the chaos of the police and the entire Boxelder street.

But the best thing is that, today, I know God is still good. He did hear my prayer and he took care of my family because we didn’t fall apart. We are still breathing. And there is an unshakable bond between mom, brother, and myself. We saw hell and death, and have been able to live life for 8 years, maybe with a few faults but nonetheless live.

And though we never found the killer, and I don’t quite understand- I choose to believe that God turns bad to good.

Not sure if this speaks to you, but I choose to believe that I have a God who has a plan bigger than what I can understand. He is not surprised nor is he moved by the events of our lives. I pray that in every situation, you choose to see the good, and that even though you prayed and you asked for a different outcome- know that He did indeed hear, He holds our words close to his heart and whispers them to none.

I am stronger today. I know what its like to lose, and to eventually rise again and stand tall. I no longer cry every day and now, I can share his story, in the hopes that it will bless many lives. I only share this so that you know you are not alone. We all have situations we don’t understand and trauma happens. But what you do after is what matters. And I pray that you always choose to stand and continue in the fight. This life is good and we are blessed to be able to feel so deeply and to experience love.

I wish you would have had the opportunity to meet him. He was misunderstood. A basic Alief raised young man- looking for a place to belong because his family was broken at home. But with such great potential and intelligence.

Eight years later and here is my experience of August 16th, 2008.

Missing you forever Ed.

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Waiting on The Lord

Being completely transparent.

I have recently made huge changes in my life.

Probably because I’m early 20’s…. Deciding who I’m going to be, what I am going to do, and every other anxious decision that comes with 21.

One of these changes led to a decision, a decision of singleness for a year- meaning no boys, no dates, no flirting, no late night calls, and nothing else that means boyfriend.

My entire life- I can go back to seasons and remember the relationship I was in, the moment I felt like my life was falling apart, and then meeting someone new, and forgetting all about the previous season. And no offense to anyone else who enjoys this, but I refuse to have a life summarized and described by the relationships I’ve had and failed in. I am tired of fighting God and giving Him tiny tiny pieces of my heart, and then pouring my heart out in things that resulted in chaos. That cycle is mediocre and I was created for so much more.

So in these last few weeks of being with myself…. I have experienced some great days, and some….. days that swallow me whole, with little oxygen and sunlight.

I wish I could say it’s been easy. I wish I could say “wow it’s been a year already and i’m so much wiser”. Truth is, it hasn’t been a year LOL only less than a month.

The days that swallow me- I can barely hear God, mostly because I’m focused on my physical loneliness. I have no plans no desires no peace just fear and a million thoughts and questions and doubts and my past plays in my head and I want answers NOW and I want things my way and I want my plans and I want me to be satisfied and I have the worst attitude ever and….. Stop. Breathe. Take it one day at a time. God is good Leslie, Remember, He is Good.

Honestly, I cry and cry and cry and sometimes it’s better. But other times, the tears don’t stop. It’s an endless hole of emptiness and pain that I cannot even begin to accurately describe without losing the beauty of the process.

But then there’s the good days ❤ and these are the things that fill me with hope. I wake up, and the voice of God is so soft… so sweet…. so calm. And my day is organized. I pray, I worship. I dwell all day. I grow as a woman- filling my day with the things that will move me forward.

I am strangely enjoying this season.

I love Mondays. I clean, finish my home chores. I read, which I used to adore doing, but forgot with time.

I literally unplug, stay off my phone, go to a movie alone, and I just enjoy my own company. Absolutely amazing because I never thought I would be one to experience this and secretly crave it.

Waiting on the Lord is not easy. But oh man is it such an EXPERIENCE.

I’m not waiting on the Lord simply to date, but to simply move. I have no control over the things that will come, or the ones that will not, but what I can do is worship. I choose to worship. I choose to bend my knees, to fight through my legs numbing, to sing and tell the Lord what I am feeling, what I am believing for. I choose to speak and share my heart with Him because He is worthy and so faithful. There is no other stance that I will take. I don’t have all the answers and I have no idea what my decision is leading me to but I do know my God outdoes Himself every time I choose to give him control. This process is beautiful.

I am so thankful for the good days, and honestly the bad ones too. Because when I reach that moment, I am going to understand it so well. And I am going to appreciate it and know that I fought – I didn’t get swallowed but instead grew in strength and integrity and all things lovely.

I will wait on the Lord. He is all I have.

I can’t wait to share what He does this year!

Forever Dancing In His Love,

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“And suddenly you know… It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”

Sneaking in some writing time at work because I need a little breather from the demands and requests of our clients. (naughty naughty)

I woke up this morning by the ringing of my alarm, which we already know I hate. I don’t remember going to sleep because I looked at my clock at 2:00 AM and decided I wouldn’t be able to wake back up in 3 hours so might as well pull an all nighter…. But that didn’t happen.

Anyways, with little sleep and much grogginess, I woke up with such a new freedom.

I have been preparing my spirit and my heart for this day, the last day of this stinkin year.

 

Let’s reflect together.

 

My 2015 started off on a high and I preached for the first time on January 18th. Such a great experience being able to prepare and dive deeper in God. My favorite part was learning that whatever you’re preaching on is exactly what God ministers to your heart. For example, I talked about forgiveness and that whole week before, God reminded me of things I needed to let go of and people I needed to forgive.

2 weeks after this high, my life slowly spiraled down and the funny thing is that not many knew how messy my life had become, maybe only a handful.

Not many details are needed to understand that I entered a desert, one, which I put myself in, and one that I chose to stay in. Despite the many talks my mentors took time to have, despite prayer, despite His presence, I chose to continue in my mess and run from freedom and healing. It’s crazy now that I reflect because I don’t understand how any of it happened. I wasn’t ready to defend myself and my guards were down for the first time in my entire life so I was knocked down to the very bottom.

 

From the moment I heard about a man named Jesus (7th grade) and all through high school, I worked hard to overcome pain. To overcome anger. Just to overcome.

And I can’t believe that I was in a place where I submerged myself back into all these things God himself took me out of.

Long story short, the desert continued. I ran and ran and ran and ran only to find myself still in the middle, bound and surrounded by my biggest fears.

Finally, Revive launched. And I knew I had no choice but to fight for myself because I did not want to lose what I had worked so hard to gain.

 

And months of fighting, here I am today, standing strong.

Back on my feet and I couldn’t be more excited.

Maybe my perspective is a bit dramatic and I see everything different, but life is a little more fun that way 😉

I woke up this morning with the sound of bells.

The sound of bells which for me signify freedom.

 

This freakin year is finally over and I don’t have to hold onto anything I do not desire. I don’t have to bring anything along that brought me chaos and pain.

I also don’t have to carry heartache and offenses because I have too many dreams and goals to be worried about who hurt my feelings.

I ‘ve been reading Joshua a lot. I believe this is my message for this next year. Trusting in God, trusting that He has placed me to lead His people, my generation, and having a faith so strong in Him, that nothing else distracts my journey.

 

Be encouraged because this is an end but also a beginning. The heartaches and failures of this year, happened and it’s done with.

 

New year, new victories. For we know from glory to glory we go.

Here’s to a magical new beginning! ❤

 

Forever dancing in His love,

Leslie

Dear You,

Can I tell you something?

Something that might make you smile, cry, anxious, all at once.

You are worthy. 

And can I be a little more bold and tell you more?

You are loved.

You don’t have to wake up every morning and wonder how your day is going to go, wonder who will be free to spend time with you. You don’t have to force someone to love you and to give you the attention you are desiring because there is already someone who has made you #1.

I want you to know that Jesus himself has His gaze set on you, and He looks to you with fire burning in His eyes. On your beauty, on your contagious smile, on your loving heart and your thoughtful mind.

And everything that you are, the good and the ugly, He loves.

Walk in dignity, with strength, and your head held high.

Let go of that which does not align itself to His pure love.

And be free to be loved.

Because you are worth more than you realize.

Love,

Me

Tough Times

It’s been a while.

I haven’t been able to journal or to write because that would need sitting still and quiet. And sitting still would mean facing what has happened these last few months.

I wasn’t ready to do that. And there are days where I still feel numb and in a daze. But I am doing my best to awaken and come to life.

This was originally a record of my journey. My journey with God. My journey to healing. My journey in life. But somewhere from January to February, I lost that.

And fear came.

And confusion came.

And everything that could possibly come, came.

School sucked. Relationships sucked. Family sucked.  I walked the opposite direction and picked the door that led me to a valley. I am still recovering. Still attempting to find my mountain and my God.

But can I just be even more honest? This walk to healing is the hardest walk I’ve ever been on. Having to shuffle through years of memories, that lead to a rush of pain. A knot in my throat. A sudden loss of breath. A flood of thoughts. Then I really can’t breathe.

Only to realize that I am holding my breath. I am refusing to feel pain. I have to run and find the exit door before it’s too late. Before it all comes rushing back. The strange thing is that I had no idea what I was running from. I have no idea what hurts and what scares me, I just have the need to hide from it.

Today, I am becoming more aware of what I was running from. And maybe that’s another journal to share on another day. The only way I can face this pain is knowing that once I get through it, God will be closer than ever. Knowing that I have faithful friends who love me and only want me to grow. That is what gives me the strength to face this giant.

I can do this. I will do this.  I will survive. I can breathe.

So here is to this journey once more. Here is to healing.

Leslie, you can do this.